PURE INSANITY!

I might have been imagining this, but today, I believe I saw a crew cutting asphalt on 175th Street in Shoreline. They had the big grinding/resurfacing machine and everything. Now, this might really be going out on a limb, but cutting bad asphalt with known imperfections often leads to (you might want to brace yourself for this funky shit!) FIXING POTHOLES!! 

This shit is bananas. This is King County. We don't just fix potholes here. That money could be better spent on gender reassignment for prisoners or creating a machine that disappears parking spots on Capitol Hill. Basic public services are not exactly the core competencies for the region between 150th Street and Renton, and West of a brackish body of water. 

In any event, this was a pretty bold action. Someone might have been jumping the gun on the alleged stimulus package. 

Those rascals at the Shoreline Department of Public Works are really straying from the Beirut Paradigm of street maintenance that is followed on the West Side of the Lake. Now, the Ayatollah of The Emerald City wants to make Seattle the Greenest City on the Planet. One of the things standing in his way is the operation of full-size SUVs and trucks. On numerous occasions, I have heard individuals publicly state that they would pilot a smaller car, but they fear for their safety due to road conditions in the area. That includes both sinkholes and snowfall. (Snowpaclypse 08 sold a shitload of Grand Cherokees!) Honestly, this seems like an excuse to roll around in big rides (I have used it when people criticize my '86 Bronco) but why not try to improve the roads. Historically local government is the go-to guy for improving roads but in the city of Seattle, if you want a pothole filled, get your ass over to Home Depot and buy some cement and gravel.

On the flip side though, big Clownstain Props to Mark Relph and his good folks at the City of Shoreline Department of Public Works. Keep up the good work.

A republican did something awesome.

In addition to launching what is possibly their shittiest operating system ever, Microsoft just announced some serious layoffs. They are cutting the jobs of 5000 workers. The bitch of the situation is that fact that these are skilled, well paying jobs. The kind of jobs that people aspire to and can use to build a solid future for themselves and their families. That is not even the worst part of the deal. Steve Ballmer and his cronies are pushing for higher caps on the number of H1-B visas. These are the "highly skilled" worker visas.  They are a vehicle for outsourcing American jobs without the inconvenience of leaving the country. If Microsoft executives thought about product development with the same creativity and zeal as they do with cost cutting and labor issues, they would have the boys in Cupertino surrounded. Alas, that is not the case. They think they can regain some sort of relevance by laying off the reasonably well paid and benefited American employees, and importing a 3rd world workforce with subsidized educations. They probably think they deserve a tax break too.

Another factor in this whole equation is the involvement of Senator Chuck Grassley (R. Iowa)

Unlike his other conservative brethren, he does not want all the American jobs shipped overseas. He sent a letter to Steve Ballmer. That's right. A letter. He demanded that American workers take priority over the H1-B imports. Who the hell does he think he is talking that way to Steve Ballmer? He is only a US Senator. I do not necessarily agree with Senator Grassley on some of his political views, (the whole Shiite Christian from Iowa thing scares me a little) but the fact that he had the moral courage to stand up to a software giant is laudable. 

Now, for Microsoft, instead of thinking up sneaky ways to avoid paying higher wages to Americans, think up ways to develop new and innovative products (Windows Vista? Honestly?). Regain your market share. Do the right thing. Hire Americans. Make a gesture of goodwill before your time expires. If you think that you are untouchable, you have another think coming. You have exposed your soft, white underbelly in the last 4 years and it is only a matter of time before you have to deal with the consequences. 

Bring Back Almost Live!!

Bring it back. Bring back Almost Live. Never in its history has Western Washington needed regional sketch comedy more. Never has Seattle been more absurd than it is today. (Ride the Slut. Vamanos Viaduct. Snowplows, we don't need no stinking snowplows! to name a few instances of current issues) True. the old jokes about Seattle's neighborhoodism would have to be updated, but I honestly, in my heart believe that the pastures for a merciless lampoon have never been greener. The old Squareheads in Ballard driving around at 11 miles an hour moved to Arizona. The dry heat is good for the arthritis. The yuppie scum couple that bought their 2 bedroom 1.5 bath house for 548k and thought they stole it are in. (They had it repainted, lime green with purple trim is something that only an 83 year old Scandinavian could love).

 1996 called and they want their Starbucks jokes back. I guess they will have to write some material on the baristas at Sweet Spot that are "working their way through college".  Or maybe take a few shots at some of the pretentious, yet uninspired eateries in any given neighborhood. The ones with no decimal places in the menu (shoutout to stuffwhitepeoplelike.com)

We all like a few jokes at the expense of Kent, Auburn, Renton and the other outlying burbs, but the real comedy gold can be found in the city limits. Take a little spin out to University Village. It looks like any one of the stupid outdoor malls in Southern California. It just happens to be 41 degrees, 8 mph wind and a nice rain. Oh, yeah, and things are a little more expensive and a little shabbier. (On second thought, that is not really ha ha funny. More like the sad kind of ironic.)

In addition, topical sketch comedy keeps institutions honest. Imagine if Greg Nickels  had a sounding board on King 5 every Saturday night. It might just put a little shame in his game. (They could make an entire skit just on jokes about his huge noggin!) When the 2012 gubernatorial election rolled around, Dino "Unseasonably Tan and Disturbingly Chipper" Rossi would be running scared. Imagine the sublime beauty that could be.

Now, I wish King 5 would round up Keister and the gang and put them back to work making something good and honest, but I do not believe that it can actually happen. The Condo Overlords and the Dark Cabal that got rid of a lot of really sweet parking spots would crush them. 

Pugetropolis is desperately trying to re brand itself, but it needs to grab hold of its roots and quit being so goddamn smug and condescending.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Intermittent explosive disorder. Anger issues. Mom who was a circus clown. Gloria Steinem's stepson. Yeah. That's right. Christian Bale. Too good to let go. A brief look at Mr. Bale's Wiki is all it takes to put together why he is a nutjob. His mom was a circus clown and his stepmom is the author of the "One Free Grope" theory of sexual harassment.

Honestly, should we be surprised at this outburst? He is a movie star. He is the leading man. The serious actor. The mercurial artist. He is supposed to get angy and drop the F Bomb on us lesser mortals who populate his world. 

I would be more surprised if he did something decent and nice and did not use it as a shameless form of self promotion. (I am talking to you Bono. You too Brangelina. I got your numbers.) 

As the Clownstain, I have a helluva time condemning this behavior, because as a serious celebrity in some circles, I love to tear someone a new dirt chute. Someone unwittingly walks into my field of vision, I chew their ass right off. 
Bullshit. Where is the civility? If I was in the public eye as much as Christian Bale, I would be nice. George Clooney nice. Henry Winkler nice. Willie Nelson nice. Or maybe not. Maybe the childish, angry, spoiled shitheel behavior actually adds some street cred to his mythos. Maybe being an ill tempered wretch makes him more commercially viable. Or he ought to just clean his act up and treat individuals on the set like the human beings with rights and dignity. 

Mean Hollywood, the Clownstain is coming for you.

Presidential Accountability Bitches!

Good Evening to all and welcome to the 4th Circle of Hell.  A new day has dawned on us. The day of once bitten twice shy scrutiny. President Obama has a graphic representation of qualitative data. The St. Petersburg times has unveiled the Obameter.(http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/promises/) It is a graphjam.com esque way of tracking promises that President Obama made during the campaign season. 

This is both a blessing and a curse. First, I think all politicians ought to be held accountable. Especially after the previous administration. There is the blessing. Now comes the curse. This shit comes out of Florida. Not exactly a bastion of progressive thought. Or even thought for that matter. This is the state that W; with the help of his rotten brother and their ilk, bogarted enough electoral votes to change the course of American History. Things were going pretty good until the Rove Gang invaded the Sunshine State with an army of lawyers and briefcases full of unmarked bills. 

Now, the Clownstain Jury is still out on the St. Pete Times. On the con side, they are in Florida, the state where 83% of America's bizarre headlines come from. On the pro side, this outfit has been in a pretty hearty fight with the Church of Scientology. Can't fault that. You have to show a little respect to an organization that has the balls to get into it with the letigous trolls that control the minds of Bat Shit Nuts Tom Cruise and Skidmark Greta Van Susteren.

I apologize for digressing. Back to the point. As if I had a real point. The point of this whole diatribe/rant is that politicians ought to be accountable, but that we also should critically eye the organization that watches them. Critical interpretation of data is the foundation of new information. In the age of twisted facts and unadulterated happy horse shit, we cannot take all input to our systems at face value. (You better watch your ass Sean Hannity, you Hibernian dingleberry!) Just because it is printed or interwebbed does not mean that it is true. Just ask me. I write opinion pieces on the internet. On a blog. I don't even know if anyone reads this bullshit. I write nasty little pieces of pseudo internet journalism. I have zero credibility, but I have a forum for libelous screed. Hell, I need to wrap this thing up. I was talking about political credibility, and I ended up talking shit about two Fox News personalities and Tom Cruise. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel. 

Superbowl Victory

Congratulations to both teams. The Super Bowl was a game. It was starting to look like a shit show, but amazingly enough, the cinderella, come from behind, underdog Arizona Cardinals turned it into an actual sporting contest, and gave the mighty Steelers a real run for their money. If it hadn't been for Ben Roethlisberger and his cannon like arm, the Cardinals would have been on top. It was not meant to be. Apparently Ol' Kurt was not going to get another ring. The Lombardi trophy was not his. Big Ben walked into another one. At 26 years old, he already has two rings. Dan Marino played for 16 years and never got a ring. This is a strong lesson. You can be a superstar, but if you play for a team with aqua marine jerseys you will have a worse shot at a lombardi trophy.

Big Day

Today is a big day. The NFL Championship. The biggest media event of the year (Well, maybe not this year, but in years past.), and I am not that excited. Two teams I hate.  Honestly, I cannot hate the Cardinals nearly as much as I hate the Steelers. It is also a different kind of hate for the arizona cardinals, just an arbitrary hate because they are in the same division as my Seahawks. One thing that was a little unsettling is the fact that Chris Collinsworth has a terminal man-crush on Kurt Warner. Right now we wait.